While the uninformed may think of an HOA as a Homeowners Association, in fact they are an artifact of the Peloponnesian wars between Athens and Greece in 431 B.C.E. The acronym actually stands for Heuretics (discovery) of Assholes. Anyone that has lived in a community governed my an HOA understands that you are living in a surveillance state. There are people, usually the tribal elders whose entire  raison d’être is to cause irritation, aggravation, civil unrest, strife and discord. They are watching constantly. They are waiting to discover infractions of the terms of communal life. They mount terror campaigns in broad daylight to bring misery to those they dislike or disdain.

Such is the case in the tiny community of Roadhaven where I domicile. There are a handful of malcontents who survive on a steady diet of vitriol and malevolence. These tiny troll like creatures keep track of everything. Hit a speed bump to fast? Expect a letter. Say the wrong thing or even worse, question their authority expect a citation. Keep too many porch jockeys in your yard? This is hard time.

Once such little Troll lives up the street. She recently circulated a petition to have my wife drawn and quartered for daring to put up an umbrella which prevented prying eyes from ooogling our patio. She actually went door to door seeking signatures to have my wife sanctioned.

I would hate to see something terrible happen to some sweet old grandmother, but on the other hand I am seriously considering slathering her golf cart with lard. I understand coyotes love lard. Just a thought.